Hidden Café this year, Tate Modern next

It’s that time of year again, and budding artists from Hyde Park to Headingley have been letting their creative juices flow for the good of the LUU elections. We dusted off our tweed jackets and put on our critical specs to have a look at some of the greatest artistic masterpieces that this year’s batch of candidates had to offer.

‘Vote Hardy for Community’ – Edward Hardy, 2015


Clearly taking inspiration from the Cubist painters of the early twentieth century, Hardy’s eclectic writing style truly shows how much can be done with the simple medium of cardboard and felt pen.

He’s either a maestro, or he was having a violent arm spasm.

Effort: 2/10

Artistic merit: 8/10

‘#PickNic’ – Nicola Stewart, 2015


Going for a still-life approach, Stewart’s subtle fruit-based campaign is blooming with metaphorical undercurrents. Like an apple, we are led to believe her campaign is rich, flavourful and, most of all, good for you.

Whether her policies become mushy and maggot-infested after a few days is yet to be seen.

Effort: 7/10

Artistic merit: 6/10

‘Keep Calm and Just Dru It’ – Andru Lawson, 2015


Lawson takes two well-known cultural phenomena and subverts them beautifully in a harrowing look at postmodern consumer culture.That said, his earlier “Just Dru It” efforts made more sense, leading this critic to wonder whether adding the “Keep Calm” was entirely necessary.

A fearless attempt nonetheless – that purple pen looks like it took ages.

Effort: 6/10

Artistic merit: 4/10

‘RISE’ – Gnima Diop, 2015


Though this critic will doubtfully ever know what words like “synergy” mean, this effort is undeniably impressive. Diop is an artist who truly knows her colour theory, manipulating the opposing tones of blue and orange to fierce effect.

Bonus points for the “face-within-the-sun” addition, which gave us fond Teletubbies memories.

Effort: 8/10

Artistic merit: 7/10

‘Jake It Off’ – Jake Williams, 2015


Star of the now-infamous election videos of the same name, Williams is not known for being shy – a trait further shown in this bold and brash display.

The use of his bedsheets would make Tracey Emin proud, although we hope he gave them a wash if he used to ‘Jake It Off’ under them.

Effort: 3/10

Artistic merit: 3/10

‘Hannah Crane 4 Activities’ – Hannah Crane, 2015


Although the imposing nature of this piece might suggest a maniacal despot in the making, Crane is merely playing upon the Stalinist architecture of the Roger Stevens building to create a pastiche of the LUU tyranny of years gone by.

As a sidenote, sticking all of those letters in the right order must have been bloody difficult.

Effort: 9/10

Artistic merit: 4/10

‘The Family Guy’ – Joe Schwenk, 2015


We’re going to be honest, we have no idea what is going on here.

Isn’t that what art is?

Effort: 5/10

Artistic merit: 8/10

‘No Fears’ – Piers Cottee-Jones, 2015


The way that this piece floats ethereally outside the Union building is truly a sight to behold. Where are the strings?

We can only assume that Cottee-Jones is some sort of sorcerer, sent from the future/outer space to run for Activities Officer.

Effort: N/A (magic)

Artistic merit: 7/10

‘Hulme is Where the Heart is’ – Kyle Hulme, 2015


An innovative piece with a streetwise attitude, this work benefits from an original medium – stencilling work that would make Banksy himself proud.

Also, it looks a lot less like Hitler than the last attempt.

Effort: 7/10

Artistic merit: 7/10

‘Vote Ella Adlard #1′ – Ella Adlard, 2015


Is this written in blood?

Effort: 8/10

Artistic merit: 4/10

‘The Perfect Topping’ – Ste Topping, 2015


There’s something Dali-esque about this hypnotic masterpiece – a work of art so captivating that you can stare at it for hours without hope of tearing your eyes away.

The perfect topping, however, is not the editor of The Gryphon. It’s ham and pineapple.

Effort: 7/10

Artistic merit: 9/10

‘Vote 4 Liron’ – Liron Velleman, 2015


There is a moment in every art critic’s career where they see a piece of art so wonderful, so truly awe-inspiring, that they can contemplate nothing more than hanging up their hat. This is that moment.

‘Masterpiece’ is defined in the Oxford English Dictionary as ‘A work of outstanding artistry, skill, or workmanship’ – and whilst the workmanship may not be all there, the artistry certainly is.

It may look like a lazy effort at first, but any who’ve seen Velleman’s election video will know his talent for subversive masterpieces that aren’t quite appreciated in their time.

He’s a genius. You just don’t know it yet.

Effort: 0/10

Artistic merit: 10/10